stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
