I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize