Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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