His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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