1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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