Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
