Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
