"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
