I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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