The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
