yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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