Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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