then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So much rum. So many feels.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
