i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
