too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
