Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
