This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
