I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
