With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize