I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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