If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize