We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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