He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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