I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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