You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize