the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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