I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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