Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
