um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
either way he was missing a nipple.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
