do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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