I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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