Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
