I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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