and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
