My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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