everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
