she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize