I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
