Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
