i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
