Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
