Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
