i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
