her vagine was all disorganized.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize