I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
