Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
