She's JV to your varsity
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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