I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i think my mom watched the whole time
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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