I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
