The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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