I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
