My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
