I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
