Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Actions speak louder than pants.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
