I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
