just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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