After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
