alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize