I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
