there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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