Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
