I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
