Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
