I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
