her vagine was all disorganized.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize