The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
