ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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