I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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