that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
