Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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