I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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