Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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