Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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