We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
