Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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