dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
