xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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