i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
