I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
