I think my fart just growled at me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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